2004 Term 2 Week 1 - Legalism

We all live by rules. Rules tell us that we are bad people. If we were good people we wouldn’t need rules to make us be good.
If we can keep the rules we somehow think we are better than those who don’t. This can lead to self-righteousness. I can make myself be a better person (or stop myself from being such a bad person). And when your righteousness (sense of worth, God-likeness) comes from self (by keeping the rules) you no longer need God. I am able to stop myself from doing bad things (I am not that fallen/broken/sinful) I can do okay by myself. God is not in the picture. The funny thing is that very act of using rules to keep me from needing God is the very thing that drives me towards him. If I notice that I need to have a rule to be kind, or generous, or loving, or godly then I start to have doubts about my motives. And if I’m honest I am not as sincere in my good deeds as I would like. In fact if I didn’t have the rule I would probably not do it at all. I become aware that I am not a good person and that my rules only make me look like a good person. I am deceiving people, myself included. When I realise this I will make some more rules in the hope that these new rules will do what the old ones couldn’t, bring about a good change. Though we all know the new rules are no more powerful that the original rules. I can’t make myself good. I am stuffed and so I cry out to God, “God I can’t do it. Save me from myself. Make me like you, as I cannot improve myself.”

Example:
I become aware that my relationship with my friends is not as good as I would like it to be. So I make a rule that I will spend more time with them. Whilst spending time with them I become aware that I am forcing myself to spend more time with them and that I would prefer to do other things (read/play computer games). So I make a rule that I will take more interest my friends I will be more curious about them, hopefully they will seem more interesting to me than reading. Later I become aware that I am not really becoming more interested in them. Ashamed of myself I seek another rule to try to change my heart. If I take the time to notice I see that my heart is unavailable to others, uninterested in others, and unable to be changed by me. And my next question will always be “So, what do I do now?” And there it is again. I want a rule to live by. My rules haven’t worked, tell me your rule and I’ll give it a go. So what do I do? I realise that rules wont save me or change me, note to self: “No rules”. And that is my new rule. I can’t help it. I keep making rules to fix myself. Not once have I cried out to God. If I want I could work “Christianity” into my rules. I will read the bible everyday. That will bring about the change I want. I could do a similar thing with prayer too, or even fellowship. “God I don’t want to give up being master of my destiny. It feels like my whole world will collapse if I stop fortifying my life with rules. I don’t trust in your love. I feel the need to earn it, to prove myself worthy of it. I cannot bear to be broken/sinful/fallen in my own eyes, let alone the eyes of my friends and family, let alone you. God, change me.”


God brings about change through surprise. And the change is not the change I was trying to achieve. I suddenly become aware that something in me has shifted, I have become a little bit different.

Romans 3:19-24

Rules: I gotta love my wife (will she feel loved?)
I gotta take more interest in my friends’ lives
I gotta exercise regularly / eat healthier